Screw Being A Fun Parent

This weekend my house was the scene of a tween mini-drama. It started innocently enough- I took my daughter and her friend for a mooch around Kmart. Excitement was fever pitch, as this is considered an on-trend activity – even without any money to spend. Nevertheless, as luck would have it my daughter’s friend had a gift card to spend - voila – the tweens were cashed up and ready to go.

With the card burning a hand in their hot sticky mitts, they decided to splash their dosh on two packets of Aloe Vera face packs. Now, I’m usually the adult that is the voice of reason in these situations – the one that points out that you get what you pay for, and beauty products are not a great place to start at the super-cheap end of the spectrum. But just for once I didn’t want to be the fun police. Bugger it, I thought. Why shouldn’t I be the rock’n’roll parent? Let them Katy Perry their weekend away.

So homeward bound we went, and as the evening approached, the tubes of green wonder were produced, their devices were set up to record the moment they lost their face-pack virginity, and with whooping and hysterical laughter the slavering of the gunk began. If it itches as you apply, I warned, then take it straight off. But no, the pleasure of application was immeasurable. Oh, the giggles, the fun, the joy.

Twenty minutes later when the soft silky goo had set to the texture of concrete and the girls found that, on wiping off, along with the rock solid mask came the top three layers of the epidermis, the mood had changed. The shrieks were aplenty; their soft silken skin looked like they had been slapped repeatedly with a hard object, and total removal was looking unlikely, if not impossible. While one scrubbed her face with a flannel, the other screamed at the mirror that her facial hair had been ripped out. Just as I thought we might be out of the woods the next blow was dealt. The vigorous rubbing had caused the toxic fumes to be spread to the eyes – you’ve guessed it. The howls increased, the drama escalated, and yes, I spent my Saturday night administering anti-histamines and Nurofen, mopping brows, dabbing eyes with water-soaked cotton wool balls, and wondering if I was going to have to do the dash to A&E.

What fun, I thought to myself. I’m thrilled that I got to be the party parent this weekend….